How to Tell Someone You’re Not Inviting Them to Your Wedding

When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the biggest struggles you’ll have to face is deciding who’s going to get an invitation. As much as we’d like to avoid causing any offence, we simply can’t invite everyone we know! There are space and budget considerations to take into account.

So, there are two kinds of people you’ll encounter when it comes to wedding planning: those who will receive an invitation, and those who won’t. Unfortunately, the latter group tends to outnumber the former. And while most people will accept their lack of an invitation with good grace, you may find yourself face to face with an unhappy friend or relative asking you: where is my wedding invitation, then?

It may come as an unpleasant surprise when someone hears they aren’t being included in your big day, but it doesn’t have to be a huge disaster in the long run. Here are a few hints on how to handle it with grace.

Deciding Who to Invite to Your Wedding

It’s part of the job when you’re in charge of planning a wedding, but it can be an uncomfortable task, to say the least. How do you decide who will and will not make the cut on the guest list?

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about who you want to include on the day. Here are some tips for deciding who you’re going to invite and who you’re going to leave off the list:

1) Be sure that your budget and the size of your venue will be able to accommodate everyone you’re thinking of inviting. Starting with a rough idea of how many guests you can afford to have is a good place to start.
2) When making your list, start with the people that matter the most to you in the world – those that you and your partner simply couldn’t imagine celebrating with out. Then, work outwards from there.
3) Honesty with yourself is always the best policy when it comes to wedding guest lists. Make sure you are inviting only the people that are genuinely important to you. If you can’t think of a good reason to invite someone, then they’re probably not a good fit for your wedding.
4) If you want to have a low-key ceremony and reception, then stick with the people who are closest to you. If you want everyone you know to attend, then, by all means, invite whomever you wish – if you can afford it!

And remember, just because you received an invitation to someone’s wedding in the past, that doesn’t mean that you’re obliged to invite them to yours.

How to Tell Someone They’re Not Invited (Tactfully)

Now, you won’t have to explain to everyone who’s not invited that they’re not on the guest list. But there will probably come a time when an innocent colleague, friend or relative asks you whether they’ll be invited – and you’ll have to break the bad news.
Sensitivity is key when delivering the news of their exclusion, but also be prepared for an undesired response. Keep these tips in mind:

1) Be forthright: don’t skirt around the issue or try to dodge the question. If you’ve already sent out your wedding invitations, then chances are, the person asking will already know that they aren’t invited – or they will very soon, when your guests start to receive their invites in the post.

2) Give a tactful explanation – even if it involves stretching the truth a little. “Because I don’t like you very much” is not going to go down well! Instead, try blaming it on a tight budget or having no space at the venue. If you don’t feel comfortable lying, simply say something like “we decided to keep it close friends and family only.”

3) You don’t have to apologise for not inviting someone. You haven’t done anything wrong. Remember, it’s your special day, and it’s completely up to you who you invite. You can give a reason, but you don’t need to grovel on your knees and beg their forgiveness.

4) Try not to get too worked up – stay calm and collected, and keep your tone light-hearted. Change the subject as soon as possible to give the other person a chance to process it.

You also might wish to nip the issue in the bud, and tell someone that they’re not going to be invited before they even ask. For example, if a colleague seems very interested in your wedding and keeps asking lots of questions about it, you may wish to prepare them for the disappointment by making it clear from the start that you’re only going to be inviting close friends and family.

Dealing with Anger and Hurt Feelings

There’s simply no way around it: some people simply aren’t going to handle not being invited well. Everyone handles being excluded differently. Some people may get angry, short or snappy with you, while others might be upset or even cry.
Remember that while you have every right to invite (and not invite) who you’d like, you can’t force someone to change their emotions. They also have a right to the way that they feel, and you can only hope that they’ll come around in time.
In the meantime, here are some tips.

1) It’s perfectly fine to apologise for hurting someone’s feelings. Just make sure your apology is sincere and that you do not try to justify it with “sorry, but”. If they can’t accept your apology, then it’s best just to walk away.

2) Knowing what to say and how to act when someone is angry or upset can be challenging. The best thing you can do is to give them some space if they’re extremely emotional – but let them know that there’s no hard feelings and that you’ll be there when you need them.

3) Give your loved ones some time to process the news before you try talking to them again. It hurts to be excluded, and people may need some time to let it sink in before they’re ready to move on.

4) If someone is throwing a fit over not being invited, then don’t give them your attention.

5) In some cases, people may never get over being excluded from your wedding. That’s fine; you can’t please everyone, and it’s more important to be happy with your own decisions.

No matter what happens when someone is told they aren’t invited to the wedding, try not to let their anger get in the way of planning your wedding. Just walk away if needed, and remember that nothing anyone says will ruin your special day.

Order Your Wedding Invitations from Bride and Groom Direct!

When you’ve made the final decision on who you’re going to invite and finalised your guest list, it’s time to start thinking about where you’re going to order your wedding invitations from. Bride and Groom Direct have over 100 years’ worth of experience printing high-quality wedding stationery as part of CCA Occasions, and have served thousands of satisfied customers over the years.

We offer an enormous variety of wedding invitations, from the traditional and classic to the modern, quirky and contemporary. No matter your wedding theme, you’ll find a design that perfectly suits your vision for your wedding day.

For example, if you’re envisioning a contemporary celebration with a botanical theme, this Geometric Print Wedding Day invitation would be ideal. For a classic and romantic affair, our ever popular Ribbons Wedding Day Invitation comes in a wide range of shades to suit any wedding colour scheme.

When you’ve chosen the invitation that speaks to you, simply start personalising the design to add all of your wedding details quickly and easily. And while you’re there, why not have a browse through our range of thank you cards, table plans, place names and other wedding accessories to match your chosen invitation?

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